welcome to naughti's blog (where is everyone?)

"In the deepest ocean
The bottom of the sea
Your eyes
They turn me
Why should I stay here?
Why should I stay?
I'd be crazy not to follow
Follow where you lead
Your eyes
They turn me..."

my dear, dear radiohead has returned.
arpeggi, in rainbows

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i stand in the rain now with no hesitation,
wouldn't you like to stand with me?
wouldn't you like to see me now?
but you're in your car,
driving to where it's safe and dry.
for once in my life i'm standing still.

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deficiency

today was one of those days. i don't mean to sound melodramatic but i just really don't know what came over me today. i went to the doctor's office and ended up fainting in the lobby as i was leaving. the doctor and staff carried me into the one of the rooms and took good care of me. they all left while i sat on the bed drinking orange juice and eating cashews and i have no idea why but at that moment i felt alone to a degree i have never felt before. i composed myself as i thanked everyone and apologized to the doctor since he had to carry me in his arms and run to the room, and he jokingly responded with a comment about getting his exercise for the day. when i got to my car, i sat down, put on my sunglasses and cried. for the first time in a long time i felt a void that overtook me to the point of no control. i've been so busy and trying so hard to avoid feeling alone, but it catches up with you in the end. sitting there in my car i wanted to call anyone that could tell me that it would be okay, but how do you explain feeling alone to friends who have been there for you...sounds a bit selfish and ungrateful, doesn't it? i guess when you get scared you want the comfort of that person who knows you best...but i have to remind myself that i'm not that person anymore and neither is he.

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