night images

I feel your presence,
it never leaves.
My soul has not forgotten yours,
but they don’t dance the way they used to
they stay put, confused.
I didn’t turn.
My body feels your gaze, why hasn’t it changed?
Es ella? Your distinct accent takes me back to late nights, whispers, laughter.
When words were sweet. When distance had no place between us.
I didn’t look at your face. The boots I bought you never moved.
So I walk slowly, gracefully, the way you always said I moved.
Stay put, I prayed. Stay put. I close the door softly behind me.
***

a bit cheezy, but hey, that's me...

copy, paste, and fill out.

childhood amibition: to become a professional singer
fondest memory: seeing a sunrise for the first time from the porch of the house where my dad grew up
soundtrack: anything with good hip hop, rock, soul, jazz
retreat: rooftops with gentle breezes
wildest dream: being self-employed and living somewhere on the coast for a few years
proudest moment: tbd
biggest challenge: my self-diagnosed A.D.D.; realizing when to walk away
alarm clock: ummm, 8, 8:30, then 9
perfect day: good food, family, friends. taking pictures.
first job: putting together skateboards and selling clothes at local retail store
indulgence: music and funky shoes
last purchase: skinny jeans, oh wait, coffee
favorite movie: i hate this question. changes depending on my mood, right now, babel (thank you to my grammar nazi), paris, je taime, the sea inside...
inspiration: anyone enduring oppression and those who have courage to stand up to injustices. my parents, my brother
My life: is strangely beautiful
My card: library

my favorite photographer
http://www.peightir.blogspot.com/

***

3 days shy of 2 months

i turned 25 recently. normally, for a few months following my birthday i forget that i am in fact a year older...when i turned 24 i would accidentally say i was 23 for a good three months after. 25 sticks. it's in every part of my body and my lips never forget to pronounce that last 'v'. most women dread getting older, like they have to worry about their lives passing them up, like they're running out of time. i like getting older. i mean i could do without the dark circles, but i love realizing how i've grown in my life. to look back and realize how far away and close i am to certain chapters in my life. in some ways i am more confident in what i want and who i am than i've ever been. it's an age where i can crack immature jokes with 18 year olds and enjoy the company of those in their 40's. somehow i'm still my 5 year old neighbor's favorite person to play with...and i'm grateful. of course, none of this may have to do with age at all, but whatever it is, something feels different.

today's agenda:
on the ipod: "you got me",erykah badu and the roots
also digging: "breakable", ingrid michaelson
in my mouth: mentos (thanks nik for reminding me of my addiction)
on my feet : boots (flat and tan)
hero: you

***

and in the midst...

i received a final phone call from a dear friend of mine as he waited at the newark airport before his trip abroad for the next five months. yes, there's an end in sight for when one of my closest friends will return, nonetheless i am overwhelmed. it was not a "see you later, call me when you get there" kind of goodbye. it was a goodbye where you know a part of that person and a part of you will change when he returns. not necessarily a bad thing. but goodbyes should be taken seriously, just as serious as hellos. you are in fact saying goodbye to that person and everything that person is in that moment. these types of journeys transform people. despite me being sad about not being able to share yet another stupid story about tripping in the middle of a coffee shop via text message with him, i am so excited to say hello to that new person he will be when he returns home.
***

work it out

not at all judy garland...my bad...here's the quote that i did no justice:

“Forgiveness is not the misguided act of condoning irresponsible, hurtful behavior. Nor is it a superficial turning of the other cheek that leaves us feeling victimized and martyred. Rather it is the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past" -joan borysenko

brutally beautiful.

love of the day: my ipod is working after throwing it on the floor four times and restarting it six times...nonetheless shuffle mode is on and i'm focusing on my work.

peeve of the day: inconsistent people. if your going to be a jerk, just be a jerk all the time.

so estranged

and of these cut- throat busted sunsets,
these cold and damp white mornings
i have grown weary.
if through my cracked and dusted dime-store lips
i spoke these words out loud would no one hear me?
lay your blouse across the chair,
let fall the flowers from from your hair
and kiss me with that country mouth, so plain.
outside, the rain is tapping on the leaves,
to me it sounds like they're applauding us the the quiet love we made.
will i always feel this way?
so empty, so estranged

well i looked my demons in the eyes,
laid bare my chest, said do your best, destroy me.
you see, i've been to hell and back so many times,
i must admit you kind of bore me.
there's a lot of things that can kill a man,
there's a lot of ways to die,
listen, some already did that walked beside me.
there's a lot of things i don't understand,
why so many people lie.
its the hurt i hide inside that fuels the fire inside me.
will i always feel this way?
so empty, so estranged

-empty, ray lamontagne

on a different note: i really hate talking politics with friends. i'm too passionate about certain things and i respect the opinions of others but certain things don't deserve respect or tolerance. i'm tired of living in a generation where people don't have opinions or even more so, reasons to back their opinions. can you imagine if those who fought against racism in this country, to a degree we can't understand, tolerated those politicians and people who talked intelligently about hate? certain people, certain topics don't deserve an audience, they don't deserve that respect. not when that someone is allowing inhumanity to prosper in our world.
***

Well every hour on the hour...

Reminders,
they are not
reluctant.
So stop me if you've heard this one before.

Sideways blinders;
I can't find a way
around...

You have to
you just have to...
trust me.

Whoever I was then, I can't ever be again.

~TBS; Miami.

In Dedication...

i came across this when i went to a particular coffee shop i despise...

Eternal sunshine

Joel: It would be different if we can just give it another go around.

Clementine: Remember me. Try your best. Maybe we can.

life is an experiment

finish each day and be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. tomorrow is a new day. you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

--emerson