suckitup

sitting at my favorite coffee shop yesterday, I heard a woman talking about death over lunch. it was strange and i didn't know what to make of it. her mom had died recently and she told the story with so much composure. it was one of the saddest stories i've heard and yet she was able to remove her emotion from the conversation. i mean she was saying, "it is one of the hardest things i've ever experienced", but they were just words. i guess there comes a point where you have to remove your feelings from a situation in order survive. how much strength this woman had to share her story between bites of spinach and artichoke dip. i felt ungrateful and weak. since my grandfather passing a month ago, i haven't talked to my dad about it. mostly because he's the one person that it truly pains me to see sad. i've only recently started to visit memories of him in my head...the stubborn man with a youthful face.

currently: chills, sweating, then chills again and slightly delirious.
what i want: a really big hug
on my mind: you, and the uncomfortable distance between us
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