something beautiful happened in my class tonight. i definitely don't miss undergrad classes, but one thing that i do find refreshing is people's ability to admit what they don't know. so often grad students, because of the expectations placed upon them by god knows what internal or external power, pretend they know everything when they don't know anything. yeah, sure we may be able to think critically a bit more efficiently than undergrads, but really we don't know shit. so i'm sitting in class tonight and my professor plays a documentary called occupation 101. it was the third time i had seen the film and my professor told me that i could leave for the hour and half viewing if i wanted to. i am so glad i stayed. the mental strain and emotion i saw occurring in that room was unreal. eventually when the floor was open to discuss the film these quiet non-verbal actions turned into words of confusion, rage, and disgust toward an occupation of an entire people (the palestinians). people they knew existed but never knew what their existence comprised of. people they normally would ignore because of the saturation of information about them on tv and in newspapers. people they thought were enemies. violent people. tonight they cried for these people and with these people, and they cried for themselves. because they know they are somehow responsible and they feel helpless. i can't say i want people to feel this helplessness, it's one of the most frustrating feelings. but if feeling uneasy will make people take action against injustice then i hope the whole world feels it. everyone wants to live a busy, happy life. i understand why it is appealing to simply ignore issues such as the inhumanity endured by the palestinians in gaza, the west bank, and in refugee camps. but as privileged people who belong to a country who is the largest supporter of one of the most unjust governments in the world, you better believe you have a responsibility. at the moment, gaza is the worst place to live on the planet. the lack of water, electricity, food, freedom of movement are only the basic necessities not being met...the psychological effects and violence are completely different issues.

"the greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge"-stephen hawkins

http://chezzag.vodpod.com/video/56787-occupation-101-new-trailer

macluba

i've had a rough day, to say the least. i won't get into all the reasons why i have 5 unread articles sitting before me, why i was told i look like i need a drink, and why my advisor stalled me and gave me a concerned look before i left her office. but as i contemplate upon numerous issues floating in and out of my head, i am learning from my madness. here are a few realizations, most of which will sound cliche, but at the moment i don't care about sounding unoriginal:

-words are garbage. when someones says one thing, and acts in complete contradiction to those words, you are not crazy. trust how you feel...despite the words, pay attention to action. it's not that the words are untruthful, they simply don't matter at times. so all the i love yous, the i can handle its, the don't worries are garbage when it's time to react. you may love me, but it doesn't matter when you're leaving.

-communication is for losers. you see, communication only works when two people admit there's a problem. yet, i have found that quite often one person wants to pretend that a lack of usual connection is simply well, due to being so busy lately. i always thought i was a good communicator, but my dear friend, wey, has taught me to become a better one. but just because you use your vocal chords doesn't mean you're a great communicator. and then there are those, i am now discovering to be non-verbal communicators.

-forgiveness doesn't mean you're off the hook, idiot. the jews say, never forgive, never forget. i'm starting to understand why. if you forgive people, they seem to develop some sort of handicap in understanding that just because you have forgiven them it means they didn't do anything wrong.

-think for one more minute. before you decide to take action in a relationship, think long hard about whether you want to commit to that decision and think about how your action is affecting someone else. i am always aware of how my actions affect someone else, sometimes to the point where it's annoying. but it's because you never know what that other person may be going through in his/her life. so all the grudges, all the stupid vendettas should go down the drain. my brother and i fight constantly, but we never let anger or sadness linger. when i care about someone i will go out my way to make sure they understand at every point in any relationship that they have security with me. that they are aware of how i feel. i have felt insecurity to a degree that would make anyone have anxiety attacks, to a degree that makes me only keep those who have that ability to provide security in my life. as much as i'm working through some hard times, i never push people away. i never want to make someone feel helpless in trying to reach out to me. you never know what kind of day someone is having, so if it's stupid shit, drop it or if it's real and deep then let it be known and stick to your decision.

currently: worn out and red-eyed
yea of the day: proposal complete, aside from a few grammatical blunders

***