take it as a lesson

i do not know much about the opposite sex, two things i do know about men are as follows:

1. they love to hear themselves talk. i realized this while taking a feminism class with three men enrolled. needless to say they had a lot to say about issues they knew nothing about, yet felt they had some sort of authority in understanding the struggles of women. now i'm not saying that no men understand feminist issues, because i know of a few who could probably rant about third world women's movements better than myself, but these guys hadn't a clue.

2. they are self-consumed. which often leads to number 1. furthermore, this is a hard one for them to accept, because they are often too self-consumed to realize they are being self-consumed. now, settle down my dear guy friends who are reading this...most likely this isn't you. that is unless you've named a consulting company after yourself or just had an entire conversation with someone about how your day was only to cut the conversation short because you had some important work to finish without so much as asking that someone how her day was. and when you ask 'how are you?' at least act like you care. and if you're going to do something like write poetry please understand and read the works of people who are actually poets. respect the work of others before you delve into things you want to own. and become invested in the interests of that girl you like, because god know she know everything about you. and it's not that she's not telling you the music she likes, her passions, her fears, you're just not paying any attention.

currently: wanting to read this amazing poem to anyone who will listen and understand the soul in it.
listening to: cat power
longing for: inspiration

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let it be me

i've felt alone the past few days. unable to focus, wanting the closeness of people who are far, both physically and emotionally. i was trying to explain to someone how you begin to forget memories you shared with people who are no longer in your life. people who you never imagined becoming strangers with. and then i digressed: i remember every memory. every single glance, light brushing of my hand, the first tears falling because of overwhelming love, the way he laughed, every insignificant moment is there. the missing piece, the part that makes you able to breathe with a little ease, is that the emotions tied to the memories are gone. i cannot remember how it felt to catch his glance when i walked in a room, or how i felt when he laughed uncontrollably. it's like remembering a dream--you're able to recall events, but can never feel the sensations and emotions you felt while asleep. i don't know which one is saddest: remembering or forgetting.

currently: sharing a moment with ray lamontagne
lately: getting hope from unconventional places and losing hope from conventional ones.

woah man!

if heaven be a place where soul-mates sit side by side, where past lovers reunite, where new love blossom, i would not be satisfied. if heaven be a place where all my sisters sit around laughing and are truly happy, then i would be content. i imagine sitting under an immense and beautiful tree with the women i've met along my journey of life. we get a bad rep, we as in women, for being caddy and not reaching a hand out to help one another. like guys have some sort of natural camaraderie, while women compete. yet, i have never felt warmth as i have from the women in my life. i've never had to question loyalty of the sisters i found through friendship, not once. women who are so different from me telling stories, intimate fears, looking for hope. for every woman who is insecure and unable to open herself up to other females, there are ten who approach with open arms. you see, men are often the ones to create insecurity in women, but no one wants to talk about where the competitive nature of women comes from. i have seen a community of women come together to raise a child, and i have seen dozens of broken-hearted women picked up off the ground by fellow women. so while men shoot the shit about sports and politics and think it's so easy to make friends and get along with other guys, women are bettering themselves, gaining insight and knowledge from other women. i rubbed the pregnant belly of my friend today. she has so much fear in her eyes, even more in her voice. but i know her little baby girl will be great and that she is in good hands, because i know the women around her. give me heaven with these women and it will be well worth the journey...

currently: finding balance

currently wearing: a very warm hoody

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