in our heaven

lately, i've been depressed. not the kind of depressed where i lay in bed, face in my pillow, but depressed because i'm tired of the world and the fact that i'm stuck at my computer all day trying to figure out how to formulate a paper instead of putting my mind, body, spirit toward things i believe in. depressed that i'm trying to understand my place in this big mess of a world and remain conscious of things that i think i have no control over. yes, i made a huge mistake investing into a mutual fund with an 11-12% return when i was 19 and now i cringe at the thought of what type of corporation my money is going to and how many people i am affecting because of my mistake. i don't eat particular food, wear certain clothes, and have vowed to never wear a diamond again. what did that cook that's making my food have to go through to get here? and who the hell made my underwear? because our actions and decisions do matter. i'm depressed that people say they want change and think some politician will do all the work for them. you can choose to be comfortable and keep your eyes closed because it's easier. but your heaven is always someone else's hell. and there's someone in this world who is affected by your actions (or lack of actions for that matter). someone who believes in love the way you do, who loves the way the sky turns pink during rare sunsets the way you do, who finds relief in art on a stressful day the way you do, someone who is praying you don't get too comfortable.

truth of the day: i'm scared to death, and i'm sorry for that.
nostalgic memory of the day: dancing in firas' kitchen one year ago.
quote of the day: i hope for your sake, you don't wake up as broken as i am.

***