BIG apple is calling me

I want to move to New York City right now, tomorrow, the day after, forever.... maybe.

y+x (wtf)=?

i am so indecisive it's sick. i need to make decisions and commit to them. i am always torn, one foot out and one firmly in, an infinite pro/cons list that i never complete, balancing the traditional with the rejectionist in me. the reason for this madness is that i do not know what i want. plain and simple. just take your time everyone says. yet, my mind, my tired thoughts are ready to skip ahead to a time when i can have a bit of consistency. just a bit. not too much because the average person's life-- 9-5's, dinner as the highlight of the evening with oooh perhaps watching a dvd, weekends for couples only dinner parties--will never (ever) be my life. but at the moment, i would love for there to be no more unattainable variables added to the equation. i'm a sociologist, not a mathematician.

****

mr.

I desire what I cannot have, the oldest story in the oldest book.

plagued by a lost navigation system

Uneasiness is part of my being now. I’ve found that I’ve been too much so many times that I have no idea how to be what I am.